Eighteen years ago today my mother died. She had been in the Nursing Home five years and five months. She was ready to go. Oddly enough, when she was sent there she wasn’t expected to live very long. The first night I came home and spent a troubled time of it. Even though she needed more care than I could give her I felt a terrible sense of guilt. I was going to sleep in my own bed while Mom was spending her first night in a Nursing Home.

My bedroom window faces Mom’s home and without lights it was a sad view. Mom loved her little home and graced it with her simple treasures. I was working full time and went to see her each evening and week-ends. She had life threatening spells over her entire stay there….yet she always bounced back right from the brink of death and would rally for months.

That was the way it went until the last year when her strength was ebbing and she found it too hard to hang on. I was called out of bed several times with intense fear that it would be my last.

Finally, when the time came, it was on a Sunday. The nurse who took care of Mom realized she wouldn’t rally this time and called for oxygen. She put it to Mom’s nose because she said it would keep her from struggling to breathe. We stood at the foot of the bed and watched……….Mom took a couple of short little breaths and was gone.

Her body settled back in the bed and a peace covered her face. Before death came she would feebly call for “mama” or “papa” and hold her arm out as if to stop them from leaving her. I know they were very near to take her “home” the last time.

I still miss my mother and I know I always will. She was one of the people who loved me without abandon and trusted me beyond all other. She was the person who gave me life and lived the example I have tried to follow.

I am blessed to have had such a wonderful mother.

Essentially Esther