Yesterday I wrote about nursing homes and assisted living homes. When I was young the families took care of their aging parents. My dad’s mother and later his brother lived with us for years and even after my brother and I left home. My dad worked away for many of the years and mom was a stay-at-home mom. The fact was that my mother had a lot more to deal with in those issues than dad.

Mom was a quiet, non-abrasive person who seemed to handle everything without a ripple. She didn’t have a handy councilor to help her deal with the stress she was bound to have. At the age I was, I didn’t know what stress was and mom carried on without whining so we took it as “no problem.” Now that I’m a very senior adult and think about it, I don’t know how she kept from losing her mind.

Mom never had a washer in her life. She didn’t have hot running water. She had to heat water to wash and when we moved to Missouri it meant she also had to build a fire to heat the water after it was pulled up from the well……….then wash the family clothing on a scrub-board. Dad, my brother and uncle wore their clothes as long as they could but it didn’t help the back-breaking job for my mother. The dirtier the clothes came to the tub, the more she had to scrub. The clothes were hung over the fence around the house to dry.

The things people take for granted now would have been an enormous help in those days. Most people my age grew up that way……and those who have, never take hot water for granted. I’ve mentioned many times how grateful I am every time I turn the hot water faucet and water springs forth for whatever my needs are.

I remember some families who had old folks or children “who weren’t right” so they were kept in a back room of the house, away from guests. It was always mysterious to know “someone” was back there who the family kept hid. I am so sorry for the thousands who never got help and for the ones who took care of someone who could never be better.

One family used to come visit us and they always brought their little girl. She probably had MS, MD or some such thing. She had to have her head supported when her mother held her and she drooled a lot and waved her arms helplessly about. She was long and nothing but bones…….her poor mother had the total care of her and loved her as if she were a beautiful doll. In short, the mother’s life was taken over by the care the daughter had to have.

I have had many lessons in caring for older people or children and I know it is a gift of love. The ones who give the care for their loved one’s needs don’t begrudge or wish to be rid of the problem. They embrace it and throw their energy and strength to the one who needs it most.

There always comes a time when most of us wear our bodies out before our brain dries up. On the flip side of that we have people whose brain is all messed up but their bodies are in good physical condition. We never know what lies ahead and I think it’s wise to make some choices before someone else makes them for you. We all have different needs, issues, source of enjoyable surroundings and how we would like to be cared for when the day comes we can no longer live in our own homes.

Yesterday I wrote about this in a comical way and that is always my off-beat remedy in dealing with difficult issues. We have all endured mountains of sadness, loss and changes we don’t want, so knowing I’m not the only one, makes it easy to pick up my share of the load and go on.

“Going on“………..those two words are the cure for any pain of mind, soul or body.

Until tomorrow, I am,
Essentially Esther