Five months ago today Rocky left us as his journey finished here. I cannot fathom what has happened in his new world and find it hard to believe we’ve hit the five month marker. It’s because it doesn’t seem that he’s gone anywhere……but lives safely in my heart. Widows get funny ideas that make people look at them strange and so many I’ve talked to over the years feel as I do. It never seems they are gone at all…….and that is a nice feeling.

Today I paid a visit back to the Cancer Clinic where so many lovingly took care of Rocky and me. I first saw his two doctors who happened to be in the area where they look over the charts. They were thrilled to see me and Dr. Morgan gave me a big hug. He always admired the strength and mindset of Rocky to continue his weight training while taking the chemo. Dr. Morgan is tall and thin and would always grin and shake his head. “I don’t understand you class weight people. It’s hard for me to imagine lifting those weights at your age and undergoing cancer treatments.”

News traveled fast and soon the hall was filling up with the receptionist and the nurses who had taken care of us. They had loved Rocky and thought our story was so neat about losing track of each other after high-school and finding one another again and the six wonderful years we had together. Well, who doesn’t like a good love story? We lived our dream and they were all part of our last year and a-half.

Well, we hugged and laughed and talked about Rocky……they were glad to see me looking well and focused. Knowing how connected Rocky and I were they feared I would find it hard once he was gone…….but I’ve never been one to fall apart on any decision I feel God has viewed as best……and nothing happens unless He allows it. What seems terrible at the time is always better down the road and I would so much rather have Rocky in heaven now than suffering.

The love we shared is still alive and growing and nothing can cancel that out. Love never stops between here and heaven…….my life has been very blessed, not easy, but blessed and I am very grateful for the things God has made possible in my life.

Who could be “down” when they have been blessed, given possibilities and lived life to the fullest? Do I have an inside track, or special compensation, or am I a really really good person? Nope!! I’m very normal but I know the One who has continually thrown the life-line to me to save me from myself.

Isn’t it wonderful to be loved as much as everyone else? Not less, not on condition, not if I can outdo the next guy but just by being who I am and trusting my outcome to THE ONE who can do what He promises. Now THAT’S something to be happy about…….even when you aren’t expected to feel so happy.

Until tomorrow, I am,
Essentially Esther