God is always so far ahead of our thinking it catches us off guard at times. If I had lost my energy earlier I wouldn’t have been able to care for Rocky as I wanted to. I’ve always said, “I HAVE to be busy, I can’t sit still.” So many of my friends and family have had devastating health issues and when possible I packed my Florence Nightingale bag and moved in until they were better.

It’s a fact that when I got the call about my cousin in Illinois I got my wish. Suddenly I had a lot to do. I was so tired at the end of each day I didn’t have much time to grieve for Rocky. In a sense though, when he died it was almost anti-climatic. I had envisioned his death for so long I think I grieved every day after we were told he had terminal cancer. Wishing we could beat it but knowing it couldn’t happen without a miracle.

Cancer is a mean foe because it gives you hope on a high scale and then in a week’s time it can turn against you and claim more territory. In the months Rocky took chemo we noticed the pattern of the other patients. It was easy to spot the ones who had been there a long time and had their hope sucked out of them. They gave us looks like, “Well, you don’t know what you’re getting in to here.” Truthfully speaking, they had given up and were facing their demise. I’m so proud of Rocky because he wouldn’t allow sympathy on any level.

Since God saw fit for me to take care of Dale’s affairs, I truthfully was too worn out to mourn anybody. It didn’t soak in until a few weeks ago that I wasn’t just “tired” I was exhausted. Then the pain came and with it the realization that the fibromyalgia was back.

The funny thing is I find I like “resting” and being quiet. Slowly and surely God works in us until we are ready to listen. Who knows? I may learn to relax and not have to be “busy” all the time…….right now that seems like a stellar idea.

Have a good weekend everyone and remember to pet your dog and cat.

Until next time, I am,
Essentially Esther