Tuesday, August 14, 2007
A HATED VISITOR.....
I wonder how many of the ladies who read this blog have fibromyalgia? Ten years ago I kept explaining away aches and pains and thought I must have a pinched nerve in my back. I hurt so bad I knew I had to deal with it. No hope of ignoring it or it going away.
Becky was adamant about me seeing our doctor in Springfield which is an hour and a half drive from here. I was widowed at the time and Becky thought the stress of Bear’s long illness and eventual death had something to do with what I was feeling. The outcome was that I had fibromyalgia.
I’d never heard of it before or known anyone who had it. Of course, in the beginning I didn’t believe what I had could be so foreign but it felt better to know my pain finally had a name.
It robbed me of 15 months. I hated to have to pick up anything off the floor or any task that I had to bend my back for. I had a terrible rash that drove me crazy. The dermatologist said my immune system had been compromised and my body was going haywire with misdirected signals. I had something different to contend with every few weeks until I didn’t know my own body at all.
Of course it also robs your energy, constant weakness, short term memory and a dozen other things waiting to add their share to your misery. Not being able to sleep for weeks, I finally went to the doctor. It hurt to move, and I was always uncomfortable no matter how I changed positions. It was an endless uninvited foe.
With time and a lot of study…..and good medication which allowed the restorative sleep needed to heal did more than anything. Also, I learned how to live with the devil I knew and how my body responded to pain management. Over the years I had spells of relief and spells of it’s return.
I was not prepared to have it come back after Rocky died with the intensity that it has. Of course I have learned how to cope so I am not a sitting duck like I was the first time but I had forgotten how bad it could feel. I am of the conclusion that stress is a large part of the illness. I cared for both husbands at home and because it was my choice I didn’t see how stress could manifest itself to the degree it has.
The evidence in my case is reasonable. Your plans or not, the body has it’s own idea about reacting to things and although you are “OK” in your head about it all…..the body has it’s final say. The past year or so has been heartbreaking and here comes my old nemesis calling once more. Stress cannot be ignored.
So “Esther now” is having to deal with her own issues and I realize I am not alone. At last women of all ages have a name for the pain they endure and my sympathy is with them. I know this will eventually run out with enough rest and effort…..and then I will have no excuse for feeling tired. I am thankful I am retired and can manage time to recuperate, I know there are a lot of you out there that can’t give yourself that much consideration. My prayers are for those faces I don’t recognize and names I don’t know.
I will simply say……….I understand and I care.
Until the next time, I am,
Essentially Esther
Becky was adamant about me seeing our doctor in Springfield which is an hour and a half drive from here. I was widowed at the time and Becky thought the stress of Bear’s long illness and eventual death had something to do with what I was feeling. The outcome was that I had fibromyalgia.
I’d never heard of it before or known anyone who had it. Of course, in the beginning I didn’t believe what I had could be so foreign but it felt better to know my pain finally had a name.
It robbed me of 15 months. I hated to have to pick up anything off the floor or any task that I had to bend my back for. I had a terrible rash that drove me crazy. The dermatologist said my immune system had been compromised and my body was going haywire with misdirected signals. I had something different to contend with every few weeks until I didn’t know my own body at all.
Of course it also robs your energy, constant weakness, short term memory and a dozen other things waiting to add their share to your misery. Not being able to sleep for weeks, I finally went to the doctor. It hurt to move, and I was always uncomfortable no matter how I changed positions. It was an endless uninvited foe.
With time and a lot of study…..and good medication which allowed the restorative sleep needed to heal did more than anything. Also, I learned how to live with the devil I knew and how my body responded to pain management. Over the years I had spells of relief and spells of it’s return.
I was not prepared to have it come back after Rocky died with the intensity that it has. Of course I have learned how to cope so I am not a sitting duck like I was the first time but I had forgotten how bad it could feel. I am of the conclusion that stress is a large part of the illness. I cared for both husbands at home and because it was my choice I didn’t see how stress could manifest itself to the degree it has.
The evidence in my case is reasonable. Your plans or not, the body has it’s own idea about reacting to things and although you are “OK” in your head about it all…..the body has it’s final say. The past year or so has been heartbreaking and here comes my old nemesis calling once more. Stress cannot be ignored.
So “Esther now” is having to deal with her own issues and I realize I am not alone. At last women of all ages have a name for the pain they endure and my sympathy is with them. I know this will eventually run out with enough rest and effort…..and then I will have no excuse for feeling tired. I am thankful I am retired and can manage time to recuperate, I know there are a lot of you out there that can’t give yourself that much consideration. My prayers are for those faces I don’t recognize and names I don’t know.
I will simply say……….I understand and I care.
Until the next time, I am,
Essentially Esther
