Some days are magical and this is one of them. Waking up is something I can enjoy now that I’m no longer working. I actually lay still for a little while looking around the room and feeling so protected and loved I want to prolong the feeling. Before Rocky died he knew where his remains would be until we are buried together when my time has come. They would be on the shelves he built for me in our bedroom in a beautiful urn. It was not something dreadful for we knew he would be close to me in body and spirit. It was comforting to both of us.

When Dale died so unexpectedly I asked for his remains to be sent here so that when I finish with the work on his estate we can properly bury him with his mother and dad. He was a veteran so I will arrange for a small military presence to fully give him the respect he deserves for serving his country.

At any rate, Dale is on another shelf with a picture of him, his Navy ring and a couple of mementos. Each night and each morning I feel their presence as I go to sleep or wake in the morning. So much of our life is lived on a treadmill. The working years, raising the children, finding time for community and self expression must be worked into a few hours we call a “day” and oftentimes, far into our sleeping time.

I find waking in an unhurried manner sets the pattern for the day. Now that I’m alone, time is no longer a factor in my life. Nothing I do has to be at a certain time. Can you imagine being off the clock and taking your day as it happens, rather than jumping out of bed, feeling late, your mind racing about events of the day that must be met? I wonder if I could have found this much earlier in my life……I’ve always been an “A” personality and I suppose I needed to be to make the required rounds of those busy years.

I do not wish to be busy any more. I do not care how long it takes me to eat…..I enjoy my food. I am grateful I can eat normal food and it does it’s own thing without me worrying about it. I am happy I can laugh at things that either seem idiotic or funny to me…..or as today, going around with a smile on my face all day. I don’t know why…..I just feel like smiling and I feel happy.

I am glad I have the original packaging that God made for me. I do not yearn for a skinny little body, I do not crave my face to be pulled up and tied, I have no intent to battle wrinkles. My body parts are all in tact as they were formed in my mother and I have no need to improve on a miracle.

We are each a miracle, special, and in a body with a brain unlike any other on the planet. Why be silly and want to change the real deal? I am thankful I am common, ordinary and can live the way I was intended. I am so thankful I am just ………………….me.

Essentially Esther