What a difference a day makes…..Rocky had a very “Rocky” day yesterday and I’ve been ailing for a week. We both threw in the towel and babied ourselves with concoctions of medicines and a nap……..still didn’t feel too great afterwards. We had a quiet evening and turned in early. Thankfully I woke up feeling much better today and it’s a good thing. I need to shop for groceries as the cupboards are bare.

We are nine months into knowing about Rocky’s cancer and doing something about it. Our journey has taken many twists and turns but overall I think he is holding his own. His color is good and he isn’t depressed or worrisome……of course it would be nice to feel better but considering the cancer and chemo his body has been through he is grateful to feel as well as he does.

Our time machine is much the same as the accepted time line…..BC and AC….meaning of course, before cancer and after cancer. He has lost some of his before cancer weight and his part time job and a lot of the muscle power he used to lift weights with at the gym. After cancer surgery, the chemo, the piles of Integrated Medicines, the juicing…….and being hooked up to lots of liquids dripping into his body, he has become aware of the many faces of cancer.

There is a very young woman who comes into the clinic and her husband carries their little toddler behind her. There are fat people, skinny people, mean looking people and happy looking people. There are those with looks of resignation and others who come with hope on their face. Some come alone, others have family members. Some are brought in by caregivers and others drive themselves. We have seen every phase of the disease in each other………

The thing we both cling to is not to take it too seriously. I’d much rather dance my way out than crawl and Rocky feels the same way……we are individuals who refuse to be put in a “pack” of cancer losers. I feel sad when I see how beat down some of them are and it just makes my resolve tougher. There are no surprises……we know it is terminal but why let it rob you of the precious time you have left?

Even while faced with the reality of the disease there is still much to be grateful for. One thing is…….all the years God has already given us. Another is……we were years and miles apart from high school until the past few years……we are grateful we are even together. I believe it was a guided gift to both of us…….two hearts pulling towards each other for many years. Only God could make the events happen that brought us together.

Another reason is, that I’m a very good nurse. I’ve taken care of family since I was a little girl….always trying to “fix” what was broken. (Ask my dolls.) Rocky was not a good patient, didn’t like doctors, hospitals or pills. It’s a miracle that he found faith and friends within all of it. His doctors are top notch and care about him. They are proud of his tough and determined attitude that athletes have……and he cannot do less than respect them for the same determination to keep him alive.

Why do bad things happen to good people? They don’t!! Good people and God make bad things good…….it is always a learning experience, a time to stand up and be counted for what you know you can do….and to be thankful for all you’ve taken for granted over the years.

When things happen out of our control I am thankful to be more aware of all the good things that’s happened in my life. It would be disrespectful to ask God why we have to endure such things……..especially since He has declared that all things happen for our ‘good.’ Knowing that……who can be afraid, angry, resentful or feel we’re being punished?

Look around, there are always people who have it tougher than you. That has to give you strength to carry your own cross……………

Have a great weekend,
Essentially Esther