Saturday, September 16, 2006
THE PAST FEW DAYS.....
I have not written for several days for different reasons. We have been in a state of saying goodbye to things that have been tough to let go. Along with that are the regular things that must go on in daily life and sad as it is, the priorities take over and the others must wait. Blogging was one thing I had to put on the back burner.
Wednesday I wrote about Rocky’s numbers going up seven points and although that isn’t a crisis point, still it is a wake-up call. I think we were getting a little too used to seeing the numbers go down and when they spiked in the other direction we have to take it seriously. It isn’t just a game of numbers…..it’s Rocky’s life that is at stake. Reality check, loud and clear. Vigilance alert!
That seemed to begin a series of downers as we had a dinner for our neighbors who pulled their Uhaul out of the driveway around 7:30 this morning. With the past few days of seeing their friends and relatives retrieving things out of the house and yard that wouldn’t be moved…….the reality of them leaving finally hit. And so the grieving period began early as we prepared to say goodbye to people who are more like family and have lived next door to us for over a decade.
Then it was time to attend two parties for my long-time co-worker, Fred, who was like one of my boys. I wrote of the first in my last blog and last night we attended the second. Retirement parties are intended to be happy occasions but watching him choke up over several emotional accolades at the gift table told me volumes about his state of mind. It’s a big step leaving a vocation after 27 years. While we look forward to that as employees it is somewhat like the thrill of the chase. It’s more fun thinking about it in the distant future than meeting it face to face. It is then that you realize you are “at” the future…….there were no plans after that……so what do we do now?
I watched him go through the motions of cutting the umbilical cord……the separation point of the past 27 years…….a history shared together for over 17 years. Memories flooded my mind and others as we watched a friend, family member, co-worker, husband, father, grandfather, say his last words as a Missouri Highway Patrol Driver Examiner. And then it was over……..the evening ended with a lot of hugging and tears and love flowing all around the room.
Today I am on a death watch for Tuffy. At times today I thought he was breathing his last. He lay perfectly still with eyes staring……very shallow breathing. I cry and cry and then when I look up he is looking at me like, “What’s wrong, mom? Why are you crying?” God alone has kept my special cat friend alive the past two weeks. He is a miracle to be breathing this long…….but he is at peace and surrounded with love…..he is not in pain so I continue to allow him to write his own departure. It will be when God and he decide it is time to go.
I always have a melancholy soul in the Fall. I’ve never known why but I know I am not alone. Others feel the same thing. It seems you hear a distant call that you cannot answer…….the time isn’t right somehow. Yet, you know you will hear it one day and you know you will go. I think Tuffy is waiting for that too and will soon say goodbye and follow along. I know that will be a very sad day for me but Tuffy will always be as close as my heart.
Until the next time,
Essentially Esther
Wednesday I wrote about Rocky’s numbers going up seven points and although that isn’t a crisis point, still it is a wake-up call. I think we were getting a little too used to seeing the numbers go down and when they spiked in the other direction we have to take it seriously. It isn’t just a game of numbers…..it’s Rocky’s life that is at stake. Reality check, loud and clear. Vigilance alert!
That seemed to begin a series of downers as we had a dinner for our neighbors who pulled their Uhaul out of the driveway around 7:30 this morning. With the past few days of seeing their friends and relatives retrieving things out of the house and yard that wouldn’t be moved…….the reality of them leaving finally hit. And so the grieving period began early as we prepared to say goodbye to people who are more like family and have lived next door to us for over a decade.
Then it was time to attend two parties for my long-time co-worker, Fred, who was like one of my boys. I wrote of the first in my last blog and last night we attended the second. Retirement parties are intended to be happy occasions but watching him choke up over several emotional accolades at the gift table told me volumes about his state of mind. It’s a big step leaving a vocation after 27 years. While we look forward to that as employees it is somewhat like the thrill of the chase. It’s more fun thinking about it in the distant future than meeting it face to face. It is then that you realize you are “at” the future…….there were no plans after that……so what do we do now?
I watched him go through the motions of cutting the umbilical cord……the separation point of the past 27 years…….a history shared together for over 17 years. Memories flooded my mind and others as we watched a friend, family member, co-worker, husband, father, grandfather, say his last words as a Missouri Highway Patrol Driver Examiner. And then it was over……..the evening ended with a lot of hugging and tears and love flowing all around the room.
Today I am on a death watch for Tuffy. At times today I thought he was breathing his last. He lay perfectly still with eyes staring……very shallow breathing. I cry and cry and then when I look up he is looking at me like, “What’s wrong, mom? Why are you crying?” God alone has kept my special cat friend alive the past two weeks. He is a miracle to be breathing this long…….but he is at peace and surrounded with love…..he is not in pain so I continue to allow him to write his own departure. It will be when God and he decide it is time to go.
I always have a melancholy soul in the Fall. I’ve never known why but I know I am not alone. Others feel the same thing. It seems you hear a distant call that you cannot answer…….the time isn’t right somehow. Yet, you know you will hear it one day and you know you will go. I think Tuffy is waiting for that too and will soon say goodbye and follow along. I know that will be a very sad day for me but Tuffy will always be as close as my heart.
Until the next time,
Essentially Esther
