The Cancer Clinic is an excellent place to observe people at the core of their existence. Young, old, in-between, well dressed, ragged, slim, fat, they come through the doors which will enter them into hope or despair. They all come because they are at the last stronghold of defense from cancer.

Some are there for the first time. Like Freshmen in a High School they just moved to they seem unsure and the look in their eyes give them away….. “first timers.” It took a lot of courage for some to make this pilgrimage but for others who are in the latter stages of their chemo it’s like a social time with people they’ve sat next to and shared life stories as the chemo drips into their port.

The nursing staff is upbeat and cheery. They playfully tease their patients for the day…..it is of course to put them at ease and hopefully take some of the fear out of the visit. On days when the reports are in with a trip down the hall to the doctor’s office, some come back grim, others with relief written all over them. The visit to the doctor twice a month is to review the treatment and see what needs to be tweaked.

It is a time and place where you don’t want to be doing a jig when you come back, providing you were fortunate enough to have good news. You are observed by the hopeless, the ones in last stage pain and others up and down the scale. It would be cruel to announce the good news you just received. Some will never hear that from their doctor.

No one has any guarantee for more than a day. Cancer is cruel and by the next visit there are a lot of variables that could land you in left field as well. At the very least, you don’t want to appear smug or condescending because the tables can turn swiftly and find you on the other end of nowhere.

It is a field of suffering on different levels. Sometimes the stress is worse than the physical effect of the cancer…..wherever it happens to be. For some it is very painful, for others, there is no pain. The worst pain is wondering how long you will be here, the effect it has on your family and friends, the uncertainty is the worst. Most of us like life in a neat package…..kind of like a mental note pad. Everything parceled out to our pleasure. Cancer doesn’t come wrapped in pink ribbon……only a life that seems to be unraveling at the seams.

I accompany Rocky each time and sit on a chair by his recliner while the various bags of liquid flow into him. He reads or sleeps, I sit and knit and my mind wanders around the room, wondering how these other people got to this place as we did. For us, it came one day last March when we made a routine visit to see Dr. Lewandowski.

At that time, we were dreading to hear he would probably have to undergo another colonoscopy and we were hoping he didn’t have to. The next few moments changed our lives forever. “ I wish I didn’t have to tell you this, but it’s colon cancer.” We stared at him as if he just spoke in Swahili. It took a while to make it’s claim on our senses.

Wednesday as I sat knitting I noticed a plaque on the wall and I got up to read the words…..they speak for all of us.
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WHAT CANCER CANNOT DO

It cannot cripple love.
It cannot erode faith.
It cannot eat away peace.
It cannot destroy confidence.
It cannot kill friendships.
It cannot shut out memories.
It cannot silence courage.
It cannot invade the soul.
It cannot reduce eternal life.
It cannot quench the spirit.
It cannot lesson the power of the resurrection.

(Author unknown.)

Until the next time,
Essentially Esther