Wednesday, October 12, 2005
FEBRUARY, MARCH AND APRIL....1998
February came in on Sunday and Becky woke up sick. I took some juice, soup and cough syrup up to her and played with Dara a little so she could rest and not have to worry about the dog. I was afraid to stay longer so came back home and had a quiet day watching the Pro-Bowl game. Becky was off work the rest of the week before she felt good enough to go back the following Monday.
On the 7th, a year had gone by since Bear died. From now on it wouldn’t be the “first” of this occasion or “that” occasion without him. I made it through a whole year on my own and I knew I could make it the rest of the way. They always say time heals everything but even a year after Bear’s death it was hard to think of him as gone. He seemed very close and real.
The month was dark and gloomy at best but some of the days were warm enough I could go out in the back of our place and burn off leaves. I tried to keep everything going that Bear always had but the reality of it was that I didn’t have the strength he did nor the ability to keep at it like he did. One afternoon I became so tired and weak with chest pains I came back to the house and lay down. I didn’t have the energy to get up which was unusual for me. Normally a few minutes resting and I’d be back at it again………not this time. I stayed drained that way for three days. Like everything else, it finally passed.
March came in cold and blustery which is what I like. That usually means it will go out mellow and warm. On the day after his birthday, John had eye surgery. It was less pain than the surgery before and he could already peak out of the bandage and see things better than last time. He was doing great! Of course I was happy for him.
Jonathan’s birthday was coming up so I fixed his favorite Green Enchilada’s and Becky made a cake. Jonathan and his Becky came and stayed quite a while. Becky (Waggoner) was having trouble with her cancer and had to go back to St. Louis for more treatment. I could tell Jonathan was very worried about her but Becky kept putting off treatment because she didn’t want to leave town. She had fewer options as time went on…..the cancer was in her lungs and to the point now that surgery would not help. I think she chose to ignore it….her only way of being able to cope.
I fixed my Becky’s birthday dinner later in the month and we had a nice evening with Jonathan and his Becky coming. March gave us some pretty cold and miserable weather but it can never last very long in the Ozarks. Spring is just waiting to happen in March.
We had a lot of rain the first part of April and then winds. A large white pine at the corner of deck blew down, roots and all. I really hated it…….dad and Bear planted that tree in 1972 and we had watched it grow from a little twig. I was, however, thankful it didn’t hit the house or deck. Corky, (a kid I worked with) offered to come and help Jonathan remove it. Tornados in the South had killed 38 people with the same storm.
Later, I was picking up small limbs to carry to the back and noticed the lilacs we had planted several years ago had two small blooms. Their first. Somehow that just gave me a lift over losing the pine tree…….it’s funny how simple things can speak volumes at the right time. I guess when one life is over, another is just beginning. That thought carried me along for several days.
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
On the 7th, a year had gone by since Bear died. From now on it wouldn’t be the “first” of this occasion or “that” occasion without him. I made it through a whole year on my own and I knew I could make it the rest of the way. They always say time heals everything but even a year after Bear’s death it was hard to think of him as gone. He seemed very close and real.
The month was dark and gloomy at best but some of the days were warm enough I could go out in the back of our place and burn off leaves. I tried to keep everything going that Bear always had but the reality of it was that I didn’t have the strength he did nor the ability to keep at it like he did. One afternoon I became so tired and weak with chest pains I came back to the house and lay down. I didn’t have the energy to get up which was unusual for me. Normally a few minutes resting and I’d be back at it again………not this time. I stayed drained that way for three days. Like everything else, it finally passed.
March came in cold and blustery which is what I like. That usually means it will go out mellow and warm. On the day after his birthday, John had eye surgery. It was less pain than the surgery before and he could already peak out of the bandage and see things better than last time. He was doing great! Of course I was happy for him.
Jonathan’s birthday was coming up so I fixed his favorite Green Enchilada’s and Becky made a cake. Jonathan and his Becky came and stayed quite a while. Becky (Waggoner) was having trouble with her cancer and had to go back to St. Louis for more treatment. I could tell Jonathan was very worried about her but Becky kept putting off treatment because she didn’t want to leave town. She had fewer options as time went on…..the cancer was in her lungs and to the point now that surgery would not help. I think she chose to ignore it….her only way of being able to cope.
I fixed my Becky’s birthday dinner later in the month and we had a nice evening with Jonathan and his Becky coming. March gave us some pretty cold and miserable weather but it can never last very long in the Ozarks. Spring is just waiting to happen in March.
We had a lot of rain the first part of April and then winds. A large white pine at the corner of deck blew down, roots and all. I really hated it…….dad and Bear planted that tree in 1972 and we had watched it grow from a little twig. I was, however, thankful it didn’t hit the house or deck. Corky, (a kid I worked with) offered to come and help Jonathan remove it. Tornados in the South had killed 38 people with the same storm.
Later, I was picking up small limbs to carry to the back and noticed the lilacs we had planted several years ago had two small blooms. Their first. Somehow that just gave me a lift over losing the pine tree…….it’s funny how simple things can speak volumes at the right time. I guess when one life is over, another is just beginning. That thought carried me along for several days.
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
