Tuesday, August 30, 2005
THE REST OF NOVEMBER....1996
To all of you wondering about John and his family…..I don’t know anymore than the rest of you. He went silent yesterday after (I’m assuming) the power went out. That meant no phones and after so long a time I doubt if he could recharge his cell phone. I’m not gifted when it comes to electronic communications so it may be some other reason. I am sure he will let us know what’s going on as soon as he can get word out. If I hear anything at all I will let you know. We have high hopes that his property made it through with a only a few repairs in the future…….however, that is pure speculation. I can't call in to any of their numbers. Stay tuned to his blog site and if not that, I’ll post any updates from him……………I now continue with Bear’s story.
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When we arrived at Fort Leonard Wood we had the prescription filled that might help Bear’s speech. Once through with that, he wanted to go see Maj. Ellen Summers to thank her for her help with his diabetes…….she was speechless with the news that he had a fast moving brain cancer and he wanted to tell her goodbye. As she struggled to take it in, he again, told her not to feel bad….that he was going to heaven…..and he told her his dream. Her eyes filled unashamedly and she hugged him goodbye…..wishing all of us well.
After that, he wanted to see Maj. Vanatta who was in charge of ICU. She had taken care of him when he lost his leg and under her guidance brought him back to the living. We had all grown fond of her and the “kids” who worked under her. He told her why he had come and that he wanted to thank her for all she had done for him……..and to tell her goodbye. Military people live on the brink of loss every day. Most of them are ‘toughened’ into the fact but an old retiree who was taking time to come by and say goodbye isn’t something they are used to. The ICU staff had grown very close to him, Becky and myself because of his amazing recovery from necrotizing faceitis and the loss of his leg. We had spent days and weeks with her and her staff so it was like family. He told her of his dream and it was well received. The glow on his face told her it wasn’t false bravery, but faith.
And so it went. Everyone who had done anything for Bear around the hospital was visited and told the dream as he thanked them and said goodbye. It was very difficult for Becky and myself and for the people he talked to…….but he was carrying all of us along with his excitement about the journey he would soon take. We ended up at the PX with all the clerks we had come to know so well…….as they observed one lady crying, they gathered around to see what was the matter. They would relate to each other and get close enough for Bear’s personal goodbye….he was hugged by each as he told them he would see him again one day.
The next few days were quiet. Becky insisted on doing the yard work that had been ignored since the first sad news came. I think it was a way of easing Bear’s mind about it and it gave her a way to work off her anxiety. The next Sunday as Bear shook the preacher’s hand after church he told him about his dream and that he only had a short time to live and would like him to preach his funeral. Bro. Gil stood amazed and said, “Well you are sure showing me something about accepting death, Bear. I have never known anyone who has the presence about it that you do. I’m impressed, very much…….(he was a young pastor)…I will be honored to preach your funeral.” Bear had one more request. Bro. Gil, the music director, and the youth director sang as a trio and they sang one song in particular that Bear loved. It was…Day Star. Bro. Gil said he would see to it that they sang anything he wanted…and he would see him later about plans when the time was right.
On Veteran’s Day, I called good friends of ours because Bear wanted Bob to be a pall bearer for him. Bob and Donna and their children, Debbie and Robbie had been good friends for many years. Bob came by that afternoon as we were raking and burning leaves and we came in the house for a visit. Bear laughed and told him he was picking all of the good, strong young guys he could find to be his pallbearers because he didn’t want anyone dropping him. I chimed in and said…. “Yah, he’s already helping you out…..he got rid of one leg so he wouldn’t weigh so much.” We had always laughed about setbacks in our married life and that’s the way we chose to live it out. I thought of the old song so many times….. Laughing on the outside and crying on the inside…..that was pretty much the way it went. For Bear’s sake, I didn’t want to cry and mope around. After all, he was the one who had the death sentence and great attitude…..how could I be anything less?
The next day we were to be at the hospital at Fort Leonard Wood to see the Managed Care Nurse and she got us right in to see Dr. Hackett, the neurologist. He had written orders written up on the spot for us to see a Dr. Ferguson, in Springfield, that very day. We would have to drive from the Fort to Springfield, immediately. I drove down I44 and found his office building…..he had stayed after hours to see us. We were directed to the hospital where he was waiting and Bear was admitted on the spot……with preparations made for a biopsy the next day. After Bear was settled for the night I drove on home to take care of things in case I would be gone a few days.
I returned the next day and Warren went for the biopsy at 1:45pm. I called Becky to let her know and her Sergeant told her to leave work and go to be with us. Our Lt. Emmerson was kind enough to drive her the 85-miles to be with me. I was in the waiting room for 3-hours. They brought Bear out and I followed along to a room across from the nurses station. After he was taken care of to their satisfaction they left and we were talking to each other when he suddenly said, “Something is wrong……..I need help”………I was terrified and ran out to the nurse’s station and told her my husband was having difficulty……..she ran in and fortunately Dr. Ferguson was still at the desk across the hall filling out paper work. He ran in and said, “He probably has developed a clot……” and with that he barked orders to get Bear back to surgery on the double while he raced out to prepare for the surgical room.
Becky and the Lt. arrived in the middle of all that and saw my frantic face…….they took the elevator with me to the surgical floor where we came out just as they brought Bear down the hall. Dr. Ferguson caught up with them and as they wheeled him quickly towards the surgery door he leaned over Bear and said, “I’m sorry, buddy…….we’re going to get this taken care of. Hang on”………….They took a CAT scan and it showed a large clot where he had taken the biopsy. When Dr. Ferguson made the hole larger where he had gone in before, the clot pushed up and out without further probing which would have left him as a vegetable. As it was, he was paralyzed on his left side and his speech was very affected. This would now limit him to a wheelchair…..his long need of crutches was over.
As his options were taken away one by one, I made up my mind about one thing. I would care for him in our home…..he would not die in a hospital.
(Tomorrow I will finish November.)
Until then,
Essentially Esther
************************************************************************
When we arrived at Fort Leonard Wood we had the prescription filled that might help Bear’s speech. Once through with that, he wanted to go see Maj. Ellen Summers to thank her for her help with his diabetes…….she was speechless with the news that he had a fast moving brain cancer and he wanted to tell her goodbye. As she struggled to take it in, he again, told her not to feel bad….that he was going to heaven…..and he told her his dream. Her eyes filled unashamedly and she hugged him goodbye…..wishing all of us well.
After that, he wanted to see Maj. Vanatta who was in charge of ICU. She had taken care of him when he lost his leg and under her guidance brought him back to the living. We had all grown fond of her and the “kids” who worked under her. He told her why he had come and that he wanted to thank her for all she had done for him……..and to tell her goodbye. Military people live on the brink of loss every day. Most of them are ‘toughened’ into the fact but an old retiree who was taking time to come by and say goodbye isn’t something they are used to. The ICU staff had grown very close to him, Becky and myself because of his amazing recovery from necrotizing faceitis and the loss of his leg. We had spent days and weeks with her and her staff so it was like family. He told her of his dream and it was well received. The glow on his face told her it wasn’t false bravery, but faith.
And so it went. Everyone who had done anything for Bear around the hospital was visited and told the dream as he thanked them and said goodbye. It was very difficult for Becky and myself and for the people he talked to…….but he was carrying all of us along with his excitement about the journey he would soon take. We ended up at the PX with all the clerks we had come to know so well…….as they observed one lady crying, they gathered around to see what was the matter. They would relate to each other and get close enough for Bear’s personal goodbye….he was hugged by each as he told them he would see him again one day.
The next few days were quiet. Becky insisted on doing the yard work that had been ignored since the first sad news came. I think it was a way of easing Bear’s mind about it and it gave her a way to work off her anxiety. The next Sunday as Bear shook the preacher’s hand after church he told him about his dream and that he only had a short time to live and would like him to preach his funeral. Bro. Gil stood amazed and said, “Well you are sure showing me something about accepting death, Bear. I have never known anyone who has the presence about it that you do. I’m impressed, very much…….(he was a young pastor)…I will be honored to preach your funeral.” Bear had one more request. Bro. Gil, the music director, and the youth director sang as a trio and they sang one song in particular that Bear loved. It was…Day Star. Bro. Gil said he would see to it that they sang anything he wanted…and he would see him later about plans when the time was right.
On Veteran’s Day, I called good friends of ours because Bear wanted Bob to be a pall bearer for him. Bob and Donna and their children, Debbie and Robbie had been good friends for many years. Bob came by that afternoon as we were raking and burning leaves and we came in the house for a visit. Bear laughed and told him he was picking all of the good, strong young guys he could find to be his pallbearers because he didn’t want anyone dropping him. I chimed in and said…. “Yah, he’s already helping you out…..he got rid of one leg so he wouldn’t weigh so much.” We had always laughed about setbacks in our married life and that’s the way we chose to live it out. I thought of the old song so many times….. Laughing on the outside and crying on the inside…..that was pretty much the way it went. For Bear’s sake, I didn’t want to cry and mope around. After all, he was the one who had the death sentence and great attitude…..how could I be anything less?
The next day we were to be at the hospital at Fort Leonard Wood to see the Managed Care Nurse and she got us right in to see Dr. Hackett, the neurologist. He had written orders written up on the spot for us to see a Dr. Ferguson, in Springfield, that very day. We would have to drive from the Fort to Springfield, immediately. I drove down I44 and found his office building…..he had stayed after hours to see us. We were directed to the hospital where he was waiting and Bear was admitted on the spot……with preparations made for a biopsy the next day. After Bear was settled for the night I drove on home to take care of things in case I would be gone a few days.
I returned the next day and Warren went for the biopsy at 1:45pm. I called Becky to let her know and her Sergeant told her to leave work and go to be with us. Our Lt. Emmerson was kind enough to drive her the 85-miles to be with me. I was in the waiting room for 3-hours. They brought Bear out and I followed along to a room across from the nurses station. After he was taken care of to their satisfaction they left and we were talking to each other when he suddenly said, “Something is wrong……..I need help”………I was terrified and ran out to the nurse’s station and told her my husband was having difficulty……..she ran in and fortunately Dr. Ferguson was still at the desk across the hall filling out paper work. He ran in and said, “He probably has developed a clot……” and with that he barked orders to get Bear back to surgery on the double while he raced out to prepare for the surgical room.
Becky and the Lt. arrived in the middle of all that and saw my frantic face…….they took the elevator with me to the surgical floor where we came out just as they brought Bear down the hall. Dr. Ferguson caught up with them and as they wheeled him quickly towards the surgery door he leaned over Bear and said, “I’m sorry, buddy…….we’re going to get this taken care of. Hang on”………….They took a CAT scan and it showed a large clot where he had taken the biopsy. When Dr. Ferguson made the hole larger where he had gone in before, the clot pushed up and out without further probing which would have left him as a vegetable. As it was, he was paralyzed on his left side and his speech was very affected. This would now limit him to a wheelchair…..his long need of crutches was over.
As his options were taken away one by one, I made up my mind about one thing. I would care for him in our home…..he would not die in a hospital.
(Tomorrow I will finish November.)
Until then,
Essentially Esther
