Thursday, May 19, 2005
FAREWELL TO MAMA.....1991
The second hardest thing to do when you lose a loved one is to call the family. You have to live it over with each person you call and your emotions have to be put on a shelf as you try to answer their questions and offer them solace. In a small town news travels fast. Within an hour after we came home the phone began ringing and people came with food. I have done this many times for other families but when you are on the receiving end there are no words to express your gratitude. Mom and dad had lived in this little town since 1948 and they had many friends. Bear and I lived next door to them for 20-years and were also well known in the community. People came constantly, offering help in many ways. Generosity at a time like that is unparalleled.
Since I was the last of our family of four, it again fell to me to take care of all the arrangements. I had done so for dad and Louis to spare mom the agonizing decisions and again for Gail because she was bringing Louis back for burial here……..there was no way she could make the necessary arrangements. In a couple of days, family began arriving and the logistics were somehow taken care of. We found room for everyone and food was overflowing. We were well provided for.
The last entry in my diary the day mama died says it all…… “Somehow the day has passed. We struggle to act normal and function but the heart is slow to accept the fact that my mother is gone. God speed your sweet journey home, mama.”
The next day we had to move the things out of mom’s room at WC. We left her clothing for patients who may have need of them….some women didn’t have much in the way of personal things. Ladies who worked at WC came by to share things about mom they had enjoyed. It is sad to look at the last needs a patient has in a nursing home. Mom won a lot of Bingo games (all of the patients did) and she always chose a box of Kleenex. She had a drawer full of the boxes and napkins she had saved…..packets of salt, sugar etc; there were a few little figurines she had been given at Christmas gift exchanges……and her bulletin board. It was covered with family pictures, poems and little quotes she found to her liking. A large Elvis Presley poster was taped to the back of her door…..she loved Elvis.
The next day went quickly as we prepared for Family Night at the Funeral Home and other family arriving. Aunt Sally, mom’s younger sister, and two of her children, Joyce and Mark came from Nebraska…..Uncle Roger, (mom’s younger brother) and wife Phyllis, also came from Nebraska. George and John arrived late that evening, together. We visited until late.
The day of mama’s funeral turned cold with a gray flannel sky. The world seemed to bend low in respect and sympathy. The family gathered at the church and then to the cemetery. It was, in all aspects, proper and dignified. The flowers were pastel and beautiful…….mom would have loved them. As we left the cemetery I turned to look back where she lay…….and snow flakes began to fall. As we made the slow procession home we were each quiet with our own thoughts…..our hearts were as desolate as the October day.
Coping with loss is different in every individual. Some are stoic, others decide to throw a party for the departed, some cry and scream…..as for myself I walk down a long path with the person who has left me behind. I picture the pleasant times we have shared together and the wonderful part of them that will last until I am no longer here. The many lessons, learned, the things shared and the love they gave is always a comfort to me. To love and be loved is the greatest joy on earth. That line was taken from a framed sampler my mother embroidered. It hangs in my home and is a constant reminder why we are here at all. To love and be loved. If we miss that connection nothing else ever matters.
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
Since I was the last of our family of four, it again fell to me to take care of all the arrangements. I had done so for dad and Louis to spare mom the agonizing decisions and again for Gail because she was bringing Louis back for burial here……..there was no way she could make the necessary arrangements. In a couple of days, family began arriving and the logistics were somehow taken care of. We found room for everyone and food was overflowing. We were well provided for.
The last entry in my diary the day mama died says it all…… “Somehow the day has passed. We struggle to act normal and function but the heart is slow to accept the fact that my mother is gone. God speed your sweet journey home, mama.”
The next day we had to move the things out of mom’s room at WC. We left her clothing for patients who may have need of them….some women didn’t have much in the way of personal things. Ladies who worked at WC came by to share things about mom they had enjoyed. It is sad to look at the last needs a patient has in a nursing home. Mom won a lot of Bingo games (all of the patients did) and she always chose a box of Kleenex. She had a drawer full of the boxes and napkins she had saved…..packets of salt, sugar etc; there were a few little figurines she had been given at Christmas gift exchanges……and her bulletin board. It was covered with family pictures, poems and little quotes she found to her liking. A large Elvis Presley poster was taped to the back of her door…..she loved Elvis.
The next day went quickly as we prepared for Family Night at the Funeral Home and other family arriving. Aunt Sally, mom’s younger sister, and two of her children, Joyce and Mark came from Nebraska…..Uncle Roger, (mom’s younger brother) and wife Phyllis, also came from Nebraska. George and John arrived late that evening, together. We visited until late.
The day of mama’s funeral turned cold with a gray flannel sky. The world seemed to bend low in respect and sympathy. The family gathered at the church and then to the cemetery. It was, in all aspects, proper and dignified. The flowers were pastel and beautiful…….mom would have loved them. As we left the cemetery I turned to look back where she lay…….and snow flakes began to fall. As we made the slow procession home we were each quiet with our own thoughts…..our hearts were as desolate as the October day.
Coping with loss is different in every individual. Some are stoic, others decide to throw a party for the departed, some cry and scream…..as for myself I walk down a long path with the person who has left me behind. I picture the pleasant times we have shared together and the wonderful part of them that will last until I am no longer here. The many lessons, learned, the things shared and the love they gave is always a comfort to me. To love and be loved is the greatest joy on earth. That line was taken from a framed sampler my mother embroidered. It hangs in my home and is a constant reminder why we are here at all. To love and be loved. If we miss that connection nothing else ever matters.
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
