Friday, April 29, 2005
JULY AND AUGUST....1990
The fourth of July came on a Wednesday so we had a break in the middle of the week. It was good to kick back and enjoy the extra day we could be home. For me it always meant opportunity to do a little extra cooking or cleaning. Since it was a holiday I started cooking. I was at the table making a menu as I did some thinking about holidays in general. I note the words I wrote out of the 1990 diary….. “I was sitting here thinking how differently we view holidays as the years go by and we get older. More a time of remembering other years, past. The older ones are mostly gone now, the younger ones are busy pursuing a “free” day of activity and those of us in the middle are grateful to reflect and set our course for tomorrow’s work day. Age is sobering but not without it’s merits.”
I baked a cake, put a brisket in to slow cook and started potato salad. Becky, Jennifer and Chris came for our picnic and then we went out to see mom a while. Becky made ice-cream to go with the cake and later we watched fireworks that Becky and Chris had. I thought it would be fun to see what our Morris kitty thought of the fireworks so I held him on my lap as Becky lit the first ones. That lasted until the first flash and bang….then he jumped from my arms and ran like a gazelle to the back yard. We were all in close pursuit because Morris had no claws to protect himself and I was afraid he’d get lost in the dark and we couldn’t find him. Lesson learned. We finally did get him back but back in the house. He was a year and a few months at the time.
Giving driving lessons in July and August is miserable. Some of those old cars were more of a blast furnace than a vehicle. I was pretty wilted by the time I got home during the heat of the summer…..the streets seem to soak up the heat. The offices we worked out of were mostly in old Courthouses around the area with no AC. There was no relief until we got in the car to head home. I spent 50 straight days going to see mom after her hospital fiasco and she continued to be pretty unstable and depressed. Nothing seemed to cheer her up and by the time I dried out from a hot day I’m afraid my cheeriness was a little forced. By the time I left each evening we were both depressed. It was just a situation no one could win. The days went on and we managed as well as we could.
It’s absolute torture to see the mother who cared for and loved you through all your life, die by inches. I’m sure it was torture for her to struggle along, much of the time in a confused world all her own. We were both locked in a dance that never seemed to end. Of course we hoped for her to get better but we knew it wasn’t going to happen.
Jennifer worked all summer as it was her last year at home. In August she would move into the dorm at Canton, Missouri and attend college there. She had worked hard and earned a full 4-year scholarship. Her birthday was on August 3rd which made her 18-years. We had pizza here after work and had a nice evening. The coming Sunday was her last one at home. She and a friend of hers sang a duet at church for the evening service, titled, “Friends”…..the girls did a nice job. They were so young and fresh ……full of excitement about college and being out on their own….it was a wake up call that she was moving away from Grandma…… and those nice visits we enjoyed would have to be written or on the phone from now on. It was a bitter sweet time to let her go. When the day came for her to move, Becky, and we loaded our cars with her things and she had her car full as well. Becky led the way, then Jennifer and we brought up the rear in our little caravan moving north.
Unloading to the 3rd floor of the dorm was a job because it was an old college and the parking lot was not close. The heat and the trips back and forth were not pleasant. Finally we completed all of that to her satisfaction and then went to an orientation meeting for students and family. We hurried to the auditorium and heard the ground rules and pep talk. Then the students had 10-minutes to tell their families goodbye………we headed back to where the car was and by the time we got there and started to say goodbye, Jennifer teared up and didn’t want us to leave. She was frantic because the clock was ticking and she knew in minutes we would be gone……..we all cried and held on to each other until we had to tear ourselves away and get in the car. The last scene we had of her she was running towards the auditorium, wiping her eyes.
Took the heart right out of all of us and I think we felt the umbilical cord snap as we drove away…….
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
I baked a cake, put a brisket in to slow cook and started potato salad. Becky, Jennifer and Chris came for our picnic and then we went out to see mom a while. Becky made ice-cream to go with the cake and later we watched fireworks that Becky and Chris had. I thought it would be fun to see what our Morris kitty thought of the fireworks so I held him on my lap as Becky lit the first ones. That lasted until the first flash and bang….then he jumped from my arms and ran like a gazelle to the back yard. We were all in close pursuit because Morris had no claws to protect himself and I was afraid he’d get lost in the dark and we couldn’t find him. Lesson learned. We finally did get him back but back in the house. He was a year and a few months at the time.
Giving driving lessons in July and August is miserable. Some of those old cars were more of a blast furnace than a vehicle. I was pretty wilted by the time I got home during the heat of the summer…..the streets seem to soak up the heat. The offices we worked out of were mostly in old Courthouses around the area with no AC. There was no relief until we got in the car to head home. I spent 50 straight days going to see mom after her hospital fiasco and she continued to be pretty unstable and depressed. Nothing seemed to cheer her up and by the time I dried out from a hot day I’m afraid my cheeriness was a little forced. By the time I left each evening we were both depressed. It was just a situation no one could win. The days went on and we managed as well as we could.
It’s absolute torture to see the mother who cared for and loved you through all your life, die by inches. I’m sure it was torture for her to struggle along, much of the time in a confused world all her own. We were both locked in a dance that never seemed to end. Of course we hoped for her to get better but we knew it wasn’t going to happen.
Jennifer worked all summer as it was her last year at home. In August she would move into the dorm at Canton, Missouri and attend college there. She had worked hard and earned a full 4-year scholarship. Her birthday was on August 3rd which made her 18-years. We had pizza here after work and had a nice evening. The coming Sunday was her last one at home. She and a friend of hers sang a duet at church for the evening service, titled, “Friends”…..the girls did a nice job. They were so young and fresh ……full of excitement about college and being out on their own….it was a wake up call that she was moving away from Grandma…… and those nice visits we enjoyed would have to be written or on the phone from now on. It was a bitter sweet time to let her go. When the day came for her to move, Becky, and we loaded our cars with her things and she had her car full as well. Becky led the way, then Jennifer and we brought up the rear in our little caravan moving north.
Unloading to the 3rd floor of the dorm was a job because it was an old college and the parking lot was not close. The heat and the trips back and forth were not pleasant. Finally we completed all of that to her satisfaction and then went to an orientation meeting for students and family. We hurried to the auditorium and heard the ground rules and pep talk. Then the students had 10-minutes to tell their families goodbye………we headed back to where the car was and by the time we got there and started to say goodbye, Jennifer teared up and didn’t want us to leave. She was frantic because the clock was ticking and she knew in minutes we would be gone……..we all cried and held on to each other until we had to tear ourselves away and get in the car. The last scene we had of her she was running towards the auditorium, wiping her eyes.
Took the heart right out of all of us and I think we felt the umbilical cord snap as we drove away…….
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
