Monday, March 28, 2005
A SAD NOVEMBER....1989
November came with sorrow. Louis' condition had become critical. He was on feeding tubes and ventilator; the cancer spread over his body once they performed emergency surgery for his perforated stomach ulcers. He was taken to the hospital September 16th and with each passing week his chances of survival had grown smaller. We called Gail often, who was spending as much time at the hospital as she could, so we garnered whatever changes or hope there might be from her. Every time mom was here, I called so she could talk with her……it became clear that Louis was never going to leave ICU and the surgery they hoped to perform on his lungs, cancelled. Now it was just a matter of time.
Here at home we were having worrisome problems with Jake, our dog who was really John’s dog. He threw up several times on the carpet and I shamed him and cleaned it up. My patience wasn’t that great….I was on high alert for bad news from Seattle. I couldn’t imagine what got into Jake to cause the vomiting. Then he looked noticeably sick…..we took him to the vet, thinking it was something simple and didn’t have great concern even then. Jake was at the vet’s for several days while they waited for the blood sample to come back….he kept getting worse. My heart was breaking….I knew Jake would be scared having to stay at the vet’s and I hadn’t been able to go visit him because of the hours I worked. By Friday I took a day’s vacation so I could go see him and hopefully get him some relief.
That morning, November 10th, I was getting ready to do that when Gail called. Louis died at 8:10 that morning. Though I knew it was coming I wasn’t ready for it. I don’t think anyone is ever ready to let loose of a loved one….I dreaded going to see mom but I knew I had to tell her. She, above all, should be told he was gone. Bear and I went to see Jake and he was a very sick little dog. I petted him and talked with him …..he answered with a little thump of his tail. The vet told us it was kidney failure and nothing could be done. We had to make the decision one way or the other to have him put to sleep. I asked for a little time…..I had to talk with mom first. We eased out of the room so Jake wouldn’t get excited about our leaving, and drove on to WC.
When we walked in, mom knew. She said, “It’s Louis, isn’t it?” I told her it was and she struggled with her pain, not speaking. Tears welled up in her big brown eyes and she looked down at her hands. We sat down but didn’t speak. After a time, she asked some questions, and we told her what we knew. She looked even smaller than normal and I felt so sorry for her but couldn’t think of any way to lessen her grief. Of course we hugged and cried together……it was all our loss, really. That big, gregarious, fun loving guy was gone and we knew we would miss him more with each passing day. We got her ready and brought her home with us.
Becky came in the afternoon and I told Becky about Louis and Jake both…..we all decided it was more merciful to have Jakie put to sleep than to let him suffer any longer. Doc said there was no way he could ever recover….we took mom back to WC for her hair appointment and then stopped at the Vet Clinic, just down the road. As Doc gave the shot I kept petting Jake and talking to him…he fastened his eyes on mine and never looked away. It was as if he wanted me to know it was OK ….. those eyes were so full of devotion and love…I think he knew it was “goodbye.” Becky and I stood there crying with tears running down as Jakie slipped away from us…and then relaxed his last time.
We lay him in the car and picked mom up to come home with us again. Hank, Jonathan, Jennifer, Becky, Bear and I all dug the grave for him and put him to rest out by the woods. With losing him and my brother on the same day it was indescribably painful. I could imagine Louis walking down a path with Jakie running to catch up with him….then Louis stopping, with that big grin of his, picking Jakie up and going through a last gate. It was so real, I keep that memory in my heart to this day. I know they are waiting for the rest of us and just who will be the first to run and greet us......
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
Here at home we were having worrisome problems with Jake, our dog who was really John’s dog. He threw up several times on the carpet and I shamed him and cleaned it up. My patience wasn’t that great….I was on high alert for bad news from Seattle. I couldn’t imagine what got into Jake to cause the vomiting. Then he looked noticeably sick…..we took him to the vet, thinking it was something simple and didn’t have great concern even then. Jake was at the vet’s for several days while they waited for the blood sample to come back….he kept getting worse. My heart was breaking….I knew Jake would be scared having to stay at the vet’s and I hadn’t been able to go visit him because of the hours I worked. By Friday I took a day’s vacation so I could go see him and hopefully get him some relief.
That morning, November 10th, I was getting ready to do that when Gail called. Louis died at 8:10 that morning. Though I knew it was coming I wasn’t ready for it. I don’t think anyone is ever ready to let loose of a loved one….I dreaded going to see mom but I knew I had to tell her. She, above all, should be told he was gone. Bear and I went to see Jake and he was a very sick little dog. I petted him and talked with him …..he answered with a little thump of his tail. The vet told us it was kidney failure and nothing could be done. We had to make the decision one way or the other to have him put to sleep. I asked for a little time…..I had to talk with mom first. We eased out of the room so Jake wouldn’t get excited about our leaving, and drove on to WC.
When we walked in, mom knew. She said, “It’s Louis, isn’t it?” I told her it was and she struggled with her pain, not speaking. Tears welled up in her big brown eyes and she looked down at her hands. We sat down but didn’t speak. After a time, she asked some questions, and we told her what we knew. She looked even smaller than normal and I felt so sorry for her but couldn’t think of any way to lessen her grief. Of course we hugged and cried together……it was all our loss, really. That big, gregarious, fun loving guy was gone and we knew we would miss him more with each passing day. We got her ready and brought her home with us.
Becky came in the afternoon and I told Becky about Louis and Jake both…..we all decided it was more merciful to have Jakie put to sleep than to let him suffer any longer. Doc said there was no way he could ever recover….we took mom back to WC for her hair appointment and then stopped at the Vet Clinic, just down the road. As Doc gave the shot I kept petting Jake and talking to him…he fastened his eyes on mine and never looked away. It was as if he wanted me to know it was OK ….. those eyes were so full of devotion and love…I think he knew it was “goodbye.” Becky and I stood there crying with tears running down as Jakie slipped away from us…and then relaxed his last time.
We lay him in the car and picked mom up to come home with us again. Hank, Jonathan, Jennifer, Becky, Bear and I all dug the grave for him and put him to rest out by the woods. With losing him and my brother on the same day it was indescribably painful. I could imagine Louis walking down a path with Jakie running to catch up with him….then Louis stopping, with that big grin of his, picking Jakie up and going through a last gate. It was so real, I keep that memory in my heart to this day. I know they are waiting for the rest of us and just who will be the first to run and greet us......
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
