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Saturday, August 14, 2004

ANOTHER MOVE.....1971 

We visited mom and dad fairly often. Early in 1971 dad had been complaining of a backache. The local doctor didn’t think it was too serious and mainly gave him pain pills for it and told him to come back. When dad went back the doctor convinced him it was pleurisy and gave him pills for that. When we arrived from Kansas City to see how he was getting along he was chair bound. If he tried getting up it killed him and sitting down was as bad. Warren and I were worried about him and talked him into an appointment with a heart specialist in Springfield.

After a thorough examination the doctor took us aside and told us his heart was all right except for a valve problem. If he didn’t get too physical it would never be a serious problem, however the flap didn’t close real good when the blood was pumped out of the heart causing some of it to run back in. If dad took it easy the flap would be able to keep up well enough for what he needed to do. He was more concerned about dad’s prostate and told us we needed to see a Urologist. He called one that he was familiar with and got dad right in when he found out he lived 80-miles away. Mom, Warren and I sat nervously in the waiting room while the doctor examined dad and when he came out he told us dad needed some tests and should enter the hospital right away. Of course we complied and drove him to the hospital.

Dad didn’t want to go. He had not had good results with doctors in the past and didn’t believe half of what they told him. He was a medical absentee most of his life. This time he could tell by the tone of the doctor’s voice that it was something he’d better follow through on. We stayed close by while tests were run on him and the doctor came out a few hours later and gave us the bad news. Dad had prostate cancer. It had gone up his back bone and into three ribs. We were in shock and denial. The doctor went on to say that he should have surgery immediately to remove the testicles (which was what they did in 1971 for prostate cancer.) Dad’s life expectancy according to the doctor was about 4-years and even then he didn’t think the cancer would kill dad. He said it grows slow in older people so wouldn’t spread quickly…..in younger people with a faster growth rate cancer always grew fast and took it’s victims in shorter time. He said most men dad’s age ended up dying of heart problems rather than the cancer. I don’t know that that helped us much but it was an ounce of hope.

We made arrangements to stay for the surgery and called family members to tell them about dad’s situation. Uncle Buster and aunt Phyllis came from Nebraska to see him and encourage us. It was great to see them. Buster’s cheery demeanor and some jokes he told dad lightened the load for him. When we brought him home from the hospital I decided to stay with them until the next weekend when Warren could come back for me. Mom didn’t drive and if dad needed anything I would be there to help out. Mom was greatly relieved because she was too worried to be much of a nurse and I could deal with it better.

We had some shaky times because dad’s brain was working over-time. He even got to the point of telling us the doctor was wrong, he didn’t have cancer after all. This whole thing was unnecessary and shouldn’t have been done. If you’ve ever tried to convince a stubborn old Dane that he DID have problems you can understand. Total denial. He didn’t recuperate like the doctor told him and he kept mom on a dead run the whole time. I think we had an old man that was pretty scared on our hands.

When dad was able to get up and around again he had convinced himself he didn’t have cancer and we never talked of it again. I went back and forth on the bus a few times between Kansas City and Willow Springs until mom felt capable enough to handle anything that came up. We had gone back and forth so much that Warren began to talk about moving to Willow Springs so we would be handy when they needed help. It was a great handicap because mom couldn’t drive and they lived on the edge of town. I fought the idea for several months because I had lived in Cabool for seven years and I knew the job force had nothing that Warren could find employment with.

The other factor was that I didn’t want to move out of the metro area of KC because of the kids. I didn’t want to be that far away from them. That seemed a simple matter to Warren….after all, KC was only 5-hours away from Willow Springs. As my mom and dad needed us more and more I finally gave in and we bought a mobile home to put on property near mom and dad; an acre of land just 100-feet away from their property line. It was pretty rough…..mostly rocks and scrub brush from being partially cleared out years before. We set the date for August 28th to move down in a U-Haul trailer….Warren quit his job the day before and the folks drove up with their pickup to help load what wouldn’t fit in the U-Haul. We headed for Willow Springs after loading on the 28th. I had been down earlier to be on hand when the mobile home was delivered a week ahead of time so we had a “place” to go to.

Our good friends, Ruth and Floyd Carriger came along with their pickup and they were so ‘taken’ with the area that they bought the lot next to us and bought a mobile home after they sold their property in Johnson County, Kansas. Ruth was the woman who was head baker when I worked at Meadowbrook Junior High as her assistant. We had stayed in touch ever since and they were my parent’s ages so they were ready to retire as well.

And so, as the sun went down on the 28th of August we were ready to make a home in Willow Springs, Missouri. Becky began her senior year at Shawnee Mission North West and John was in his last year at Trailridge Junior High. I didn’t like the arrangement of leaving the kids behind but my brother lived in Seattle and couldn’t help mom and dad. I felt it was up to me to step up………but at what price….in being away from Becky and John. George Jr. left for the Navy and took his basic training in San Diego in February and now was assigned to the LSD Monticello. They basically traveled from Alaska to Japan and West Africa, the Philippines and Australia picking up and re-locating Marines and their equipment. Our little family was being spread apart more with each passing year now…..but I felt it was only a temporary thing. Mere miles can never end the love for your children or their love for you…..it may make it more difficult to be together but it cannot make it impossible…..

Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther