Thursday, May 20, 2004
THE DAY THE SUN HID
I waited impatiently for our appointment with Dr. Needles. I took George to work so I could have transportation. That always involved getting the three children up and driving to Union Station to drop daddy off and then back home until time to leave for our appointment. Since we had not changed doctor’s since moving north I had to negotiate a long distance drive south then to Dr. Needles office.
The children and I sat in the waiting room and my efforts at this time were always the same. Try to find something quiet for the two older ones to do so as not to invite angry stares from the other waiting patients. I remember thinking sadly how few people are kind at times like this. They glare at the mother as if to say, “Do something with those brats…..they’re bothering me.” Knowing the helplessness I felt at the time I determined when I was older and no longer took little ones every where I went I would be sympathetic.
Today we didn’t have to wait too long for the appointment. I poured my fears out to Dr. Needles who promptly took the light out of his pocket and held it over John’s face, moving it from side to side and up and down. His silence worried me as he continued his exam and put the light back in his pocket. He told me he thought there was a problem but he was not qualified to know the extent of it. He would like to make an appointment for John with a Dr. Eubanks down town. His office was on 11th and Grand which was in the heart of Kansas City proper. He was a specialist and the best in the area.
I was troubled but believed “whatever” it was could be fixed by this Dr. Eubanks. My thoughts immediately went to money…payment….no insurance……how would we be able to pay for this? I left the office with my appointment card for the next week. With Georgie in school half-days I had to make all appointments in the morning. It was always difficult to get the car, children ready and be downtown in time for an early appointment. Still, that’s what had to be done. I knew whatever it took would be exactly what we would do. For this appointment, sensing my concern, George took the day off so he could not only make the trip physically easier but so we would both be there for whatever Dr. Eubanks might say.
With both of us in the waiting room it was always more relaxed. Daddy had a ready lap for Becky, Georgie was always able to entertain himself with magazines and I held John. When we went in to see Dr. Eubanks he told me I’d better sit in the chair and hold John on my lap so he would be tall enough to have the huge machine over his little face. I had gone in alone since George was watching Georgie and Becky in the outer room. Dr. Eubanks took his time with dilating John’s eyes and rotating the lenses on the machine. There was no sound except for the light clicking as he turned the dials. I sat holding John with the prayer that is on every mother’s lips….”please let my baby be all right….please God….don’t let there be anything wrong..”
The clock stood still while Dr. Eubanks continued. Finally the only sound I heard was my own heart beating. When he finished Dr. Eubanks told me I’d better go out to the waiting room and bring my husband in. I knew then he had news we wouldn’t want to hear.
George’s face looked anxious as I motioned for him to come with me. Dr. Eubanks introduced himself to George and they shook hands. When we were seated he told us the details of his exam. John had congenital cataracts. Probably in the seventh month of pregnancy when the lens was forming I had some kind of a virus that caused it….or it could have been anything. He went on with his explanation. “It’s like the white of an egg,” he continued, “sometimes they are clear and some are cloudy. That’s the way John’s lenses are….cloudy. In one eye he can only look around the cataract that is in the center of his eye….in the other eye he can only see through the middle as the cloudiness is all around the outer edge of his eye. He said he would advise a ‘needling’ in his worst eye in case something went wrong then he would still have his best eye.” He showed us what he was talking about by shining the light in John’s dilated eyes. The cataracts looked like white sea-weed growing up from the bottom of a black pool of water. It was an amazing sight.
I asked if the ‘needling’ would give him vision and Dr. Eubanks told me it would help his depth perception some but he would have to wear glasses later on. He told us he couldn’t remove all of the cloudiness (cataract) because it’s like the white of that egg he was talking about. If you try to take the cloudiness out you also take the white along with it. The needling would only make a space for him to “look through” or “around.” We had to act fast because the optic nerve finishes development around the age of two and then even if he could give John perfect eye sight the nerve wouldn’t be able to tell the brain what it saw.
Dr. Eubanks cautioned that John could go blind at any time but for now he would do everything medically possible. I told him I didn’t know how we could pay for the surgery but I would scrub floors if I had to….I just wanted him to be able to see. We left the office with a surgery date which meant I would have to wean him at five months to be ready for the procedure. It was a quiet ride home. George was alone with his own thoughts; Georgie and Becky were in the back seat tired of being cooped up for so long and I held John.
I kept looking into his little face while his eyes searched to see mine. Dr. Eubanks had said his eye movement was called, “traveling eyes.” I wondered where life would take this little guy and what he would have to endure. It was the first time in my life I was up against something that money or determination couldn’t “fix.” My heart was crying but my brain was racing for a solution…..with those two emotions I began a long commitment to see that John had his chance to be…..”just a normal kid.”
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
The children and I sat in the waiting room and my efforts at this time were always the same. Try to find something quiet for the two older ones to do so as not to invite angry stares from the other waiting patients. I remember thinking sadly how few people are kind at times like this. They glare at the mother as if to say, “Do something with those brats…..they’re bothering me.” Knowing the helplessness I felt at the time I determined when I was older and no longer took little ones every where I went I would be sympathetic.
Today we didn’t have to wait too long for the appointment. I poured my fears out to Dr. Needles who promptly took the light out of his pocket and held it over John’s face, moving it from side to side and up and down. His silence worried me as he continued his exam and put the light back in his pocket. He told me he thought there was a problem but he was not qualified to know the extent of it. He would like to make an appointment for John with a Dr. Eubanks down town. His office was on 11th and Grand which was in the heart of Kansas City proper. He was a specialist and the best in the area.
I was troubled but believed “whatever” it was could be fixed by this Dr. Eubanks. My thoughts immediately went to money…payment….no insurance……how would we be able to pay for this? I left the office with my appointment card for the next week. With Georgie in school half-days I had to make all appointments in the morning. It was always difficult to get the car, children ready and be downtown in time for an early appointment. Still, that’s what had to be done. I knew whatever it took would be exactly what we would do. For this appointment, sensing my concern, George took the day off so he could not only make the trip physically easier but so we would both be there for whatever Dr. Eubanks might say.
With both of us in the waiting room it was always more relaxed. Daddy had a ready lap for Becky, Georgie was always able to entertain himself with magazines and I held John. When we went in to see Dr. Eubanks he told me I’d better sit in the chair and hold John on my lap so he would be tall enough to have the huge machine over his little face. I had gone in alone since George was watching Georgie and Becky in the outer room. Dr. Eubanks took his time with dilating John’s eyes and rotating the lenses on the machine. There was no sound except for the light clicking as he turned the dials. I sat holding John with the prayer that is on every mother’s lips….”please let my baby be all right….please God….don’t let there be anything wrong..”
The clock stood still while Dr. Eubanks continued. Finally the only sound I heard was my own heart beating. When he finished Dr. Eubanks told me I’d better go out to the waiting room and bring my husband in. I knew then he had news we wouldn’t want to hear.
George’s face looked anxious as I motioned for him to come with me. Dr. Eubanks introduced himself to George and they shook hands. When we were seated he told us the details of his exam. John had congenital cataracts. Probably in the seventh month of pregnancy when the lens was forming I had some kind of a virus that caused it….or it could have been anything. He went on with his explanation. “It’s like the white of an egg,” he continued, “sometimes they are clear and some are cloudy. That’s the way John’s lenses are….cloudy. In one eye he can only look around the cataract that is in the center of his eye….in the other eye he can only see through the middle as the cloudiness is all around the outer edge of his eye. He said he would advise a ‘needling’ in his worst eye in case something went wrong then he would still have his best eye.” He showed us what he was talking about by shining the light in John’s dilated eyes. The cataracts looked like white sea-weed growing up from the bottom of a black pool of water. It was an amazing sight.
I asked if the ‘needling’ would give him vision and Dr. Eubanks told me it would help his depth perception some but he would have to wear glasses later on. He told us he couldn’t remove all of the cloudiness (cataract) because it’s like the white of that egg he was talking about. If you try to take the cloudiness out you also take the white along with it. The needling would only make a space for him to “look through” or “around.” We had to act fast because the optic nerve finishes development around the age of two and then even if he could give John perfect eye sight the nerve wouldn’t be able to tell the brain what it saw.
Dr. Eubanks cautioned that John could go blind at any time but for now he would do everything medically possible. I told him I didn’t know how we could pay for the surgery but I would scrub floors if I had to….I just wanted him to be able to see. We left the office with a surgery date which meant I would have to wean him at five months to be ready for the procedure. It was a quiet ride home. George was alone with his own thoughts; Georgie and Becky were in the back seat tired of being cooped up for so long and I held John.
I kept looking into his little face while his eyes searched to see mine. Dr. Eubanks had said his eye movement was called, “traveling eyes.” I wondered where life would take this little guy and what he would have to endure. It was the first time in my life I was up against something that money or determination couldn’t “fix.” My heart was crying but my brain was racing for a solution…..with those two emotions I began a long commitment to see that John had his chance to be…..”just a normal kid.”
Until tomorrow,
Essentially Esther
